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I used to think I was pretty smart until I took a quiz on emotional intelligence. My score was less than impressive, but I come by it honestly. I was isolated when I was young and had parents with some real problems. Now I'm friendly enough -- sometimes. Other times I feel very shy and awkward. My worst problem is with indirect communication. Sometimes you hear two people speaking and it's obvious they want whatever they're saying to be within earshot. But once you hear what's being said and you find the information sort of personal -- what can you say? After all nobody was speaking to you. There are other examples of my social awkwardness. I don't know how to read other people's feelings. I'm someone who likes to stay to themselves and I'd like to be more outgoing. This is causing a real problem in my relationship. My other half is very gregarious and my fear of people keeps folks at a distance from me. But it makes distance for him too and he's the kind of guy who comes from a big family and needs people around him. Help! This book I read on emotional intelligence says those who have it succeed in life more often than those who, like me, are simply book smart.
"X"
I think that you simply suffer from low self-esteem! You need to like yourself the way you are and not try to be someone you are not.
You don't have to be the life of the party to be likeable. Being a good listener in "one-on-one" encounters is far better than being the "star" in the middle of the crowd. Cultivate the more emotionally rewarding individual relationships.
And even if you do overhear a conversation you are SURE you are intended to hear, if it's not directed to you, stay out of it. Nosy, eavesdropping "buttinskis" are generally not appreciated. Heed the old saying, "speak when you are spoken to". Also remember that 40% of people over 30 have some degree of hearing loss!
Now, back to the low self-esteem. Examine your relationship with your partner and his gregarious-nature-which-needs-lots-of-people-around. Is he complaining, nagging, playing Pygmalion? If so, you might as well cut your losses now and get out of the relationship. If not, THROW AWAY that stupid self-help quiz and relax. Grab a book of love poems, cuddle with the guy and be happy!
"Boomer"
First, what is emotional intelligence, and second, what kind of quiz
measures it? Which one of our trillion emotions is intelligent? They all
seem pretty crazy at times to me! I wouldn't worry more than a minute
about an over-the-counter quiz that labels you emotionally unintelligent
and I certainly wouldn't waste the time making excuses for the results of
such a test. The thrills of emotions are that everyone's are different -
that's what makes us individual, and a generic quiz can't judge the
adequacy of that individuality. The fact that you feel awkward in certain
public situations simply reflects your introverted personality. There's
nothing wrong with that!
If your desire is to be more extroverted, well then that's a personal
goal, but don't think it's a necessary rule. I advise you to watch out
for unregulated personality tests, quizzes, and self-help mumbo jumbo.
The fact that you may be susceptible to such media could signal you need
to step up and be happy with yourself as you are, not what every self-made
psychologists says you should be.