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Dear Two Views,

Hi my name is Tina. I am 28years old. I have been best friends with a woman named Lisa for the past 6 - 7 years. I was closer to her than my own sisters. She was the maid of honor in my wedding (her husband was the best man),we did everything together. We would talk on the phone probably 10 times a day about nothing. Every weekend we would either go shopping, go to craft fairs or just spend the day at each others houses. About one year ago things started to change, you see every couple of years her husband gets into this kick that he doesn't want to be married anymore and 1997 was the year this time. The last time it happened was right after I got married in 1993. They were separated for about 4 months then got back together and things were going really well for them. Then in March of 1997 he told her he wasn't happy and wanted a divorce. I told her that everything would be okay. That he does this every couple of years. Sure I told her my opinion of him, that I though I was an a--hole and that she really didn't need him. Also in March of 97 she found out she was pregnant. He continued to taunt her about divorce. Well that only mad me not like him more. You see her husband comes from a wealthy family and is very arrogant. When I would call the house he would always have something smart to say and he would never tell her that I called. When he was home she really couldn't talk on the phone it was like she wasn't allowed or something. He never hit her so I don't know what she was afraid of. Anyway, she started becoming very distant from me. She slowly stopped calling or would always have to hang up when he came into the house. She found out in March that she was pregnant then finally told me in I think late April, I had given her a test and when I asked her what the result was she lied and said it was negative and all the while she was really pregnant. When she told me I had mixed emotions. On one hand I was really happy for her because she had tried for so long to have a baby (she already has a 15year Son) but on the other I felt so sorry for what this child was going to have to leave through. You see money means so much to her that she would take him back in a heart beat, she would forgive everything he had done to her, she's done it in the past, so I knew this time would be know different. As the weeks went on I would ask how he was being towards her and she would say fine one week that he wasn't asking for a divorce then the next week he was, she was lying to me. I know that I should have probably kept my opinions to myself, but it really made me mad to see her go through this and for her to put up with it. Anyway, pretty soon we stopped going places together, the only time she would call me was at work, I felt that the only reason she had any contact with me was because I was throwing her a babyshower (Her Mother and Sister-In-Law were also involved) and that she kinda had to. I made sure that she had a great babyshower, it was one of the best that I have every been to, if I do say so myself. I really spent a fortune on her, I bought her the stroller that she wanted and probably spent anything $500.00 on gifts. She didn't really say much to me at the shower so I just kinda wrote it off that this was her day and she was really busy. I figured she would call me that night and thank me. Well she didn't, I think she called me that monday. Her husband was leaving for 2weeks to go to Colorado for a hunting trip that wednesday, so i figured that we would spend so time together, but she was either never home or was with her sister-in-law or mother. About 1 1/2 after the shower she got really sick and was rushed to the hospital, they thought she had a kidney stone. I called on saturday, and her sister-in-law told me what happened reluctantly. I told her to call me when she found something out. By sunday she was really doing bad that thought they were going to have to take the baby. She was on breathing machines and everything. I told her sister-in-law how to get in touch with her husband, that he really needed to be there. Sunday evening I spoke with her mother and ask if I could come up and she her, here my best-friend is in the hospital and there is nothing I can do. I felt hopeless, her mother said only family. Then is when it hit me. We really did grow apart. Anyway she recovered just fine and the baby was fine. She gave birth on November 20, 1997 to a healthy baby boy. Her husband could me the evening that she went in labor (about 11:30pm) and told me they were on they're way to the hospital. The only reason I think she had him call me was because I bugged her for weeks about it. That morning I called the hospital about 6:00am to make sure mother and baby were fine. The nurse had her call me. Everything seemed to kinda back to use to. In Maryland you can stay in the hospital for 2day after giving birth. I didn't get to go to the hospital because I started coming down with a cold. So I though I would go over on Sunday (She came home on saturday) and she the baby, I called and her husband she was sleeping so I told him to have her call me when she got up. No phone call. I called Monday, no answer, I finally got ahold of her late monday afternoon, I told her that I want to see her and the baby she said that was fine. I called when I got home from work and she said that she really didn't want anyone around the baby. I have now become anybody. I thought I was her best friend not anybody. You see when I gave birth to my son (November 23, 1994) she was up the hospital that night holding him and everything. I really involved her with him. I mean I felt bad that she tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and my husband and I for one month and end up pregnant. Anyway, on December 23, 1997 I had a hysterectomy (I'm 28). I didn't have anyone I felt that I could turn to, she wasn't calling me or taking my calls. About two weeks after the operation we got into it, I told her that I felt she used me that this was no way to treat a friend. She couldn't see what she had done, she said that she just didn't want to talk to anyone and didn't need to talk to me 20 times a day. Well that was it. I was good enough for her before but now, I just didn't fit her lifestyle. She said she would call me in a couple of days. She never did, about 1 week later her sister-in-law called me for something, I asked if she had talked to Lisa and she said a couple of times, I asked if she thought anything was wrong with her and she said no. I told her about our tiff and that I had not seen the baby, that she didn't want me to see the baby then I said that she could shove him right back were he came from. Please believe me that I meant no harm to the baby when I said that, its just a saying. Her sister-in-law went back and told her. We didn't talk for 4 - 6 weeks after that. I finally broke down and called her. I told her that I was sorry, that I was just really hit, I couldn't understand why she didn't want me to see the baby, she said it wasn't me that she didn't want anyone to see the baby. There was that anyone again. I didn't think of her or treat her like anyone. She was a sister to me and I though I was to her. I tried calling for a couple of days with to response so I wrote a letter, telling her that we needed to talk that I missed my best friend. We have talked causally since then but never about how bad she hurt my feelings. She has never picked up the phone to call me to say hi without me calling her first. Please help me. Should I just forget about this friendship? Am I being to sensitive? God I don't even know if I'm her best friend anymore. Is this friend beyond repair? Should I not even bother calling her? My husband can't stand her for what she has done, my sisters tell me to just forget it. That I don't need a friend like her. I feels like something inside of me has died. When ever I think about what has happened I break down in tears. Please give some advise. I know that this letter is very long, but I wanted you to understand the whole story.

Please email me your response as soon possible. Thank you very much for listening to me.

Friendless in Pasadena




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