Dear Two Views,

When I first met my husband, I knew he had two children from previous relationships. We dated for about 6 months and split up because of an old flame of mine. After many miserable months, we reconciled and began putting the pieces back in place. He told me that he had decided he did not want any more children after we split up and he had a vasectomy. I didn't particularly like this turn of events since I have no children but I respected his wishes and said no more about it. We had been together for about 4 months and he informed me that he had to take his mom to the hospital for tests one morning and being concerned for her well being I went to the hospital to see if there was anything I could do. Much to my surprise it turned out that his mother was not the patient, he was. He was having a vasectomy that he supposedly had several months earlier. I left the hospital and said nothing to him for several days and when the time was right I approached him with what I knew and asked him why he lied to me. He said that he could not stand having to give up seeing another child every day, if something happened to us. It took me a very long time to get over the hurt of the lie and I thought I was doing a very good job of it until recently.

We get to see one of his children every other weekend and as much as I have tried I can't help feeling a bitter resentment toward not only her but her mother and her father who is now my husband. I have tried to hide the feelings that I have about the situation but for some reason I can't seem to put this behind me. I feel ashamed that I dislike this child so much. I hate him having anything to do with her and I hate the fact that no matter what, as long as I am married to this man, I will never hear the words mommy. There is no talking to him about adoption, or other means of having a child and when I try to discuss the way I feel about this whole mess he just shuts himself down and acts as though I am some crazy person that is discussing alien lifeforms instead of our life together.

I don't know what to do or say and it is really hard to stay in the same house with the brat of a child when she is there. Another part of the situation is that I pay the child support almost every month because I make considerably more money than he does. He tells me that he is going to tell the child's mother that she is going to have to do "this" and she is going to have to do "that" and as soon as he gets in front of her he turns in to a scared rabbit and does nothing. I have sacrificed a lot of my life for this man and his children and I think that I should have some rights as to what goes on in my house and our lives but it never turns out that way. I am tired of giving up and giving in so his life will be simpler and everyone else will have nothing to complain about. Please help me to understand why I am like this and what I should say to help him understand the way I feel. All I ask is that he acknowledge that what he done was wrong and tell me why he felt he had to lie to me. I want my life to stop being put on hold because of the things he done many years ago, it isn't fair and I want him to see what this is doing to me and the way I feel about him, myself and our life together.

Please give any advice that may help in any way.

Feeling Lousy in Ky.

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