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I am writing in desperate hopes of some advice.It all started over 15 years ago I was only a small child but I remember it very well. My father was an alcoholic and he was gone a lot. My mother was stuck at home taking care of 3 kids. I guess she needed attention so in turn she had an affair with my uncle(dad's brother).
Everyone eventually found out but somehow they managed to stay together. Presently they've been married for 26 years.My father has totally straightened up and is a very well respected hard working man. I love both my parents very much. I have a lot of respect for my father. The problem is I am positive that the affair has started again. I think it's been going on for a couple of years, but it's become more obvious lately. I feel like I should tell my father but I also feel as if I would be betraying my mother and tearing their marriage apart. I know what she is doing is terribly wrong and it keeps me constantly worried and upset. It would kill my father if he ever found out, but it's not fair the way they are using him.
Please help me. I 'm losing it and I just don't know what to do.
Desperately worried
(referring to a second letter)
As for yourself, of course you're upset but as you know the health of your baby is more important. I suggest once you confront your mother (for your own peace of mind), you stay out of your parent's business. Don't call or visit if you have to - but keep out of their problems and worry about your own well-being and that of your child.
Your parents are grown-ups - they can take care of themselves. You simply need to supply love and support.
"X"
This is one of those cases where I have to quote an old line from Ann Landers and that is "MYOB!"
While I'm sure that you have your Dad's best interest at heart, he probably will not thank you if you tell him your suspicions. Most spouses are not blind. Since this alleged affair would be a "repeat," your father most likely would be particularly sensitive to it.
If you really feel like you HAVE to do something, confront your mother! She might be able to lay your fear at rest or if there is a current affair, she might reflect on her actions and break it off.
"Boomer"
First step - confront your mother. You may be "positive" she's having an affair but you'll never know what's going on until you ask her. Your parents had problems together in the past and were able to work through them together so don't assume your father to be the helpless victim before your parents confront their problems and resolve to work together (if they decide to repair their relationship).