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I married a woman four years ago who has two children, a boy now 12 and a girl now 14. Everything seemed to go better then good in the begining, but are now a an almost unbearable point. I provide a home for these kids as well as Christmas' and birthdays. Despite this, I am treated like dirt! Two years ago, things got to the point where my wife left me, and 6 months ago, she had me removed from the house. We are at this time, back together because I begged and pleaded with her. I have never raised a hand to her or her kids, although she has clamed that I have so that she could get sympathy from others. Today, I discovered that she has been secretly stashing away about $450.00 dollars each month. I have done evrything within my power to be a good father to her kids as well as a good husband to her. I am feeling very used and mentaly abused by her and her kids. I now have 20 years in the military, and therefore have had to watch my step very closely. Her false clames have taken a toal on the career that I have work so long and hard to build. I would thank you for any advise that you could provide me in solving this situation. I do not wish to seek a divorce and counseling hasn't helped. I will watch for an answer from you.
I have no personal experience with marriage or children but I've had my share of disappointing relationships. It appears to me that you're in just that - a disappointing relationship. I can sense your will to work through saving your marriage but I'm afraid I don't sense your reason for doing so. You don't mention love for your wife, special feelings the two of you share, or her equally devoted desire to make thing work.
Preserving your marriage is admirable, but sometimes the most admirable thing to do is that which is best for everyone - even if that means a divorce.
"X"
Well, this is a tough one to answer because you asked for my advice and then followed the request nixing the two things that I would advise!
So all I can say is, if you're sure that counseling won't help straighten out your marriage and you don't want a divorce, get counseling for yourself anyway. Under the circumstances that you describe, I would think that you should want a divorce. And, I'm afraid divorce sounds like a definite possibility, whether you want it or not.
Good luck and take care of YOURSELF!
"Boomer"
You sound like a very thoughtful, sensitive man and I'm sorry to hear you're in such an unhappy situation.