|
|
Hi,
I'm really not used to doing this sort of thing, but here go's. My husband and I have been married for 10 yrs now, we have 3 kids. My husband is a very deep person and very often not very happy. I on the other hand try to look for the good in everything. I always thought that we would be together, I know my husband love's me. It's just the within the last year he has spent more and more time on the computer and internet then with me mostly at night. Recently I've found out he has been talking to another woman on the IRC. He says he can relate to her and that she understands what shes going through. He just turned 30 and is not taking it very well. When he told me this he cried, said he did not want to feel anything for anyone else but me but that he was starting to have these special feelings for this woman. I asked him if he ever talked about sex with her and he said no, that it wasn't like that. How should I feel? I understand that he will have friends outside our relationship that really doesn't bother me, but what does is, he has a tendency to be obsessive with things. I'm trying to be mature about this but all I can think about is him talking to another female about things he doesn't think I would understand. I've spent my whole young life loving this man ( we were childhood sweethearts) And now no matter what I do or don't do I no longer feel worthy enough to keep his love. what should I do? Please don't e-mail me back (he reads it) I will check back later to get your reply.
Harmony
I understand how you feel, and although I'm not familiar with the crisis of middle-age, I think you should appreciate your husband's honesty and his confusion. From what you've said he doesn't seem to be headed for any secrets - he may just be facing some questions, confusion in his life and he's found someone to talk with. Sure it's upsetting that the someone isn't you - but the fact that he's shared the internet relationship with you is a positive sign of his respect and love for you and his desire to work through his problems.
I would continue supporting him and letting him know you love and want to help him. Good luck!
"X"
First of all...you ARE WORTHY of his love! You need to know that and to respect yourself a bit more.
I can understand how this new relationship of your husband is upsetting you though. Friendships have a much greater meaning to women and they crave close relationships more than most men. It's frustrating enough to not have that need fulfilled, but to suspect (be told) that your husband is interacting in this manner with another, is very troubling.
All is not lost! Your husband did tell you himself, so a dialog has been opened. Keep it up! Don't obsess about this "invisible" woman. Be yourself, but be your best self. Perhaps you can join your husband in his computer hobby. He might be thrilled at your interest and the internet has a lot of interesting places to explore. IRC is quite addictive, I'm told and a lot of women use it, so if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!
But if your husband doesn't want to "share" his hobby and continues to pursue modem relationships without you, perhaps, counseling is in order. With three kids and 10 years between you, marriage is something to be fought for!
"Boomer"
PS: "X's" remark about "middle life" crisis doesn't apply, IMHO! 30 isn't mid-life...it's practically still adolescence!
Hey, I'd be jealous too! I hate how I get cranky when my fiance even talks to female friends, but I'm getting better because, you know, they are just friends. And more to the point, if the tables were turned, I'd have to give up 2/3 of all my friends, most are male.