Help!

I stumbled across my husband's personal journal/diary and found something really offensive that he had written. There have been entries about me, and how he feels about me (not good) and how he's thinking of leaving - but this was the worst! It was a totally sexist and disgusting reference to women and their body parts. I can't repeat it because it is too offensive! We both attend church every Sunday, I thought he was a really decent and respectible guy - we also have a 4 year old daughter(!) and an 18 month old son. I am floored by what he has written.

The problem is; should I confront him with it and thus admit that I read his diary, or should I try to find another way to approach the situation. He is super sensitive, and I know that if I tell him I read his diary, that will become the issue, not what he wrote - and I'm not really in a situation (financial or physical) to look after my two children alone at the moment. But then how can I live with a man who has such disgusting thoughts and attitudes towards women?

I can see how you've put yourself in a difficult position. My advice is to put it all behind you and stay out of your husband's journals in the future. You've said your husband treats you well and he's respectable. Well, what could be wrong? Be thankful he has an outlet for some of the things that disturb him or upset him - he may rely on his private journal to release the ideas and feelings that frustrate him. Many times personal journals are where people reflect on momentary thoughts or aggravations; what your husband has written may be misinterpreted by you because you have no idea what he was feeling or why he wrote these things at that time. Be thankful he has that private release and is able to distinguish between releasing these unpleasant thoughts in a private, harmless manner and releasing them in a public, destructive manner.

"X"

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I wish you had given some detail as to how you "stumbled across" your husband's diary! Was it out in the open or did you have to search/snoop to find it? I think it's important to determine whether or not you were "meant" to see it or not. If your husband wanted you to find the diary and was tempting or testing you, well then, you have different problems than if it was hidden and you snooped! Either way, you had no business opening that book the minute you knew what it was or for that matter as soon as you knew it wasn't YOURS!

Going under the assumption that you "snooped" and your husband never planned for you to see his diary; whatever "perversion" that was expressed in your husband's journal, you can't know the whole story. It could be creative writing, dream therapy, fantasties, whatever, but it was not meant for you to read!

I would NOT recommend that you try to casually bring up any of your concerns. It won't work! He'll know you snooped! I would suggest that you get over this and concentrate on the good in your relationship.

"Boomer"