2 Views

Dear Two Views,

I have known my boyfriend for close to 7 years. The first 4 years we were friends. I was in fact involved with his ex-brother-in-law when we met. Both he and his ex-bro were still close friends going back 20 years. He was the first person that my then boyfriend introduced me to among his circle. I liked Mark immediately, he had kind eyes creased with laugh lines and I felt at ease talking to him. I did not feel any physical/sexual attraction towards him as his ex-bro had me spellbound.

As it turned out the ex-bro was a very smooth operator and was setting me up for the sole purpose of swindling me out of $10,000 worth of motorcycle. Because I was blind and swept away by this man I didn't see past his pretence and, to make a long story short, he did end up ripping me off.

It took me a very long time to come to terms with what he had done, deal with it, examine my own motives for being in the relationship, accept my share of the blame, forgive myself and begin the process of forgiving him and letting the healing process take place.

Not once did the con-man's ex-bro (now my boyfriend) let on what an evil person this guy was. He told me later I would not have listened anyway because I was so enthralled by this guy. He could see the play and that I had a lot to learn. In spite of what happened (the whole story would make for a very good movie about love, hate and betrayal) my friend never mocked, ridiculed or turned me away. I would visit him spending hours ranting and raving about his ex-brother-in-law, crying pitifully on his shoulder. Not once did he tell me what to do, not once did he try to take advantage of my emotional state and try to seduce me.

He would putter around in his shop, wrench of cars and listen. He is a true man's man one who finds it difficult to express feelings of tenderness and love. He is the most unromantic man I have ever known. Even so he helped me get my life back together.

I left the state and didn't see him for over a year. When I returned and saw him again I realized that I loved him deeply. It sort of crept up. My whole attitude changed and instead of being at ease I was a nervous wreck around him. Needless to say our relationship changed and we became lovers and have been together ever since.

Something is bothering me though. During the last three years he has said "I love you" only 4 times. He doesn't show he cares in the little ways that are so important to us women. He takes it for granted that I know he loves me and this is beginning to make me feel resentful. I finally approached him about how I felt and stated my need for occasional reinforcement of his love. He told me that he doesn't see any need to show I should know just by the fact that I am there with him otherwise he wouldn't have me there. He is very blunt and to the point about who he allows in his circle and who he won't tolerate. If I can't accept things the way they are then I can leave.

I told him I needed more than that and if he couldn't try to meet me at least part way then his kind of love is not for me.

I am in a quandary as how to make this motorhead understand that love takes a conscious effort to maintain and that a big part of that is sharing loving feelings and displays of affection. He seems to be very uncomfortable with this sort of thing. I don't want to pressure him but I can't ignore it any longer.




Return to Two Views Index