TWO VIEWS - A RING! Exclusive Feature Column] -- Welcome to Two Views! Advice from Two Different Generations. The Ann Landers/Dear Abby of the Internet. A Baby Boomer and a Generation X Member will each personally respond to your most perplexing dilemmas -- Advice, problems, relationships, questions, dilemmas, Baby Boomer, Generation X, Help

2 Views

Dear Two Views,
I am in my first very serious relationship since I was divorced in the early 90's. I find that I'm am tense whenever she mentions another guy at her office, at her lunches, or even the fact that she might be spending the weekend with a female friend. My stomach turns over and I feel sick whenever she can't see me because of some other plans. I feel like a child. She often senses there is a problem and I've expressed that I might need help with some of my insecurities. She is very willing to help, but I'm embarrassed at the way I feel. What are some things I can do to become more secure. I can't even have a good time with my friends worrying about what she is doing. She hasn't done anything out of line in regards to making me feel this way. There have been a few issues with x-boyfriends that she assures me have no hold in her life. She says she is committed to me, why isn't that enough to free me from these terrible feelings of anxiety? Anxious in Glendora

There's definitely no reason to be embarrassed for admitting your insecurities. In fact, you should be proud of having made the first step toward regaining your self confidence. Your girlfriend sounds very supportive and you may take comfort in your trusting relationship. What you need to do is help yourself rebuild confidence and esteem. The quickest way to do this might be to meet with a counselor, who would lead you through discovering what triggers your insecurities and how you can come to trust yourself again. Doing this on your own might prove to be a difficult process. Continue to make your best efforts to maintain trust and support in the relationship, while in the meantime complete some soul-searching during which you make commitments to experience your life with confidence.
"X"

We all are insecure at times and having been through a failed relationship once certainly contributes to those insecurities.

It sounds like you have an understand partner and you should be able to relax in time. However, if your anxiousness is interfering with your day-to-day living and is causing a strain - even a SLIGHT strain - on your current relationship, it's time for professional help.

Get it! You'll feel so much better if you do!
"Boomer"

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