My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for the last six years. I love him intensely, but I don't know if I can get over his tendencies to lie. In the past, he has cheated on me and lied to me about just about anything. We are trying to work it out, but I can't bring myself to trust him. We are in a long distance relationship and he came to visit me. A married friend of his called him three times while he was here. He was shocked when she called and he is telling me that he realizes that it seems bad, but he swears that nothing is going on. Okay, I realize that so far I sound like an incredibly dumb woman, but I feel bound to this person in ways I can't explain quickly. So now I want to know what I should do. We are planning on getting married eventually, and he is moving here to live with me in May. My first question is How can I tell if he is lying? My second question is, if he isn't lying, how can I build trust with him so that I am not paranoid all the time?

Whirling

I think you looking for an answer that I cannot give you, as far as how you could tell if your man is lying.  Apparently, you weren't able to tell in the past and I imagine he's well aware of that fact and has perfected his lying skills.  More importantly, you should not have to be able to discern whether or not he's being truthful - the ideal situation is that you would have unconditional faith in him at all times.  This ideal has already been destroyed.  In my opinion, if he's lied to you so many times in the past, he's bound to lie again in the future.  You've already proved to him, by staying with him, that his lying to you has no negative reinforcements.  I would suggest taking a break for yourself and perhaps enjoying a relationship within which there are no doubts.

"X"

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Unless you both go for some intensive counseling and your boyfriend genuinely admits and tries to correct his compulsion to lying, I'm afraid your relationship is doomed!

You will not be able to be completely open and free in love, if you are not able to trust the person with whom you are in love. Relationships are hard work. A relationship with a liar is a thousand times harder.

"Boomer"