2 Views

Dear Two Views,

I need help.  My boyfriend of a little over a year, and I are having some majorly rough times right now. I'm about ready to call it off.  From early on it was apparent that he had jealous feelings which were only made worse by my outgoing (he calls it flirtatious) personality.  I told him I thought he had a problem with jealousy and he agreed.  He admitted feeling insecure in our relationship, but said that if I would just try to understand how he felt rather than saying hurtful things like "it's not my fault if a guy tries to look down my shirt, he's the pervert.  I don't do things to make them behave that way. everyone is in control of their own actions" then he wouldn't feel so insecure and therefore less jealous. Or if I would comfort him by telling him that he is the only one, or be a little more possessive of him he would feel more secure in this relationship.  To be completely honest, I have never had anyone jealous over me before and I have never felt so untrusted in my life and I was married for almost seven years.  My ex-husband trusted me more than he does, and I deserved that trust because I never did anything to be untrusted.  In this relationship, even if I say something like "in this day and age there is little difference between a bikini and a bra and underwear" it makes him feel insecure.  We are going to counseling, and it seems that the counselor is trying to get my boyfriend to realize that his jealousy is more, but my boyfriend so far doesn't seem to get it.  Am I not being understanding enough, is there a way I could be more understanding?  I've asked him why he felt insecure and if he thought I was going to cheat on him and said no, he said it's just that we have such different ideas of what is acceptable in a relationship, so what he might think is flirting, i don't and if i don't then I will partake in that behavior.  I tried to reassure him that if it makes him uncomfortable then I won't do it but that is not good enough.  I have never cheated on this man, and I would never cheat on anybody I'm in a relationship with.  No of that seems to matter to him. I think I know how you will respond and I think I know what has to be done but I guess I'd was just wondering if you two had any other take on this that I might be missing.

thanks




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