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My problem is with an old friend from college. In the six years since graduation, the two of us have grown apart. Our lives went down different paths, and I guess it's to be expected. But in the first couple years after school, I used to call her, leave messages, and rarely hear back from her. When we did get in touch and try to make plans, if the one day she was free didn't work with my schedule, she would accuse me of being difficult. In the last three years, I have barely heard from her at all. She had a baby last August, I spoke to her in the hospital, and we agreed that I would call in a few weeks. When I did call, she wasn't home and I had to leave a message. I never did hear from her. I had finally decided we had gone our separate ways, and that was it.
Well, I just got an invitation to her baby's first birthday party. When I called to say I couldn't make it (it's the same weekend as my high school reunion) we talked a little bit and I mentioned some of the big things going on in my life: engagement, new job, etc. She blew up at me at the "nonchalant way" I mentioned these things to her and the fact that I was "leaving her out of my life". Now, I will admit that neither one of us has been great about keeping in contact, but she kept saying that she was a "better friend" than I was and that she had tried and tried to include me, but I never did the same. When I mentioned the times I had called and never heard from her, she said she didn't remember me ever calling. Well, of course not, this was two years ago before I gave up. I told her I didn't think she was being fair, but that didn't have much of an effect.
The whole thing really has me upset (obviously) and I just don't know what to do about it. We agreed to meet for dinner next week, but she said she didn't expect me to show up. I said that we could either forget the whole thing, or try to work things out. But I couldn't do that if she wasn't willing to believe that I was serious. Am I crazy? Am I really a wench and just don't know it? Should I tell her that I don't think we can work it out, and why would she want to be friends with me if I'm such an awful person anyway? HELP!!!
-why me?
It sounds like you're asking yourself all the right questions and you've weighed your options precisely, now you've got to take some action.
In my opinion, there are two kinds of great friends - the ones you talk to everyday forever, and the ones you talk to every so often and pick up like it was yesterday.
You and your friend need to find a common ground - if you/or she aren't happy with the level of effort being put into the friendship, then you're both better off elsewhere.
"X"
This woman from your past sounds positively wretched! Why would you even want to have dinner with someone who upsets you unreasonably? She's pulling your strings and you are letting her do it!
If you have had such limited contact as you describe, you don't owe her any explanations, just put her out of your mind and address book.
It sounds to me like you already went the extra mile in the past. Relax, give your time and friendship to those who appreciate it!
"Boomer"
Drifting apart from close friends is really awful - I've been there. It's upsetting for awhile, but I can imagine that your friend's moody attitude is just dragging bad feelings out.